Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
