East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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