Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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