yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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