i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
