she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
