every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize