So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We have started to decorate penises.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
