This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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