I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going