Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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