Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb