Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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  (208): you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack http://tfl.nu/46lg
  Replies (28) Good night (1019) Bad night (4466)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting

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  (734): I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting http://tfl.nu/149l
  Replies (30) Good night (2111) Bad night (3272)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!

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  (248): SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH! http://tfl.nu/111h
  Replies (66) Good night (1325) Bad night (17272)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (2188) Bad night (7939)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop

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  (248): I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop http://tfl.nu/8y0s
  Replies (19) Good night (5456) Bad night (2739)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

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  (509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8
  Replies (29) Good night (7087) Bad night (1409)
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  (707): View more from California

  Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.

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  (707): Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman. http://tfl.nu/78fa
  Replies (2) Good night (1226) Bad night (2151)
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  (607): View more from New York

  you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship

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  (607): you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship http://tfl.nu/e8ub
  Replies (5) Good night (2126) Bad night (821)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?

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  (+44): Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/0o8e
  Replies (7) Good night (4162) Bad night (816)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again

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  (440): I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again http://tfl.nu/lwkt
  Replies (7) Good night (1644) Bad night (528)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood

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  (612): Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood http://tfl.nu/1at9
  Replies (5) Good night (1557) Bad night (1046)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)

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  (309): Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.) http://tfl.nu/zrht
  Replies (3) Good night (1004) Bad night (364)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You gift wrapped a tampon.

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  (815): I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase. (1-815): You gift wrapped a tampon. http://tfl.nu/h0zj
  Replies (1) Good night (749) Bad night (431)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER

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  (603): FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER http://tfl.nu/9xe6
  Replies (5) Good night (362) Bad night (187)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried

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  (207): He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried http://tfl.nu/xgf2
  Replies (2) Good night (150) Bad night (589)

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