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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.

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• (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I was wondering where the donuts went.

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