the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am