my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
