Sober January is a disaster.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
