Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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