i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
