You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
