was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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