Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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