I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
