There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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