no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
