this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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