I bet he comes in French.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
