ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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