Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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