Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
