got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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