I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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