We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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