Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
