She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
