Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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