These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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