If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
