The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
