my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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