stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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