M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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