I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
