I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
