Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
