i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize