I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize