You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
