you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
