ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
