Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
false alarm, still single
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
