He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
