Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
