Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
