i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
