Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
