remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
