my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
