White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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