oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He did a backflip because drugs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
