This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
