he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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