Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
