So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
