My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
