Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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