Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
