barbara walters just said penis...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sext me about skeletons
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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