Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
