My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
