this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
