i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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