Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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