She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Come see our sink grown plant.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
