you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This house was built for laser tag.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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