then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
