On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
