Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
