saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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