Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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