at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
