I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
