So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
