I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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