Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize