Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
