so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
